Too many choices

You walk into a Cheesecake Factory restaurant to meet your friends for someone's 28th birthday dinner.  The teenage hostess guides all five of you to a table, and hands you your menus one by one smiling a faux grin as she says, "enjoy your meal".  You small chat with everyone for a few minutes, and then gain the courage to open the menu, discovering it is one hundred pages. There is a section for everyone's cravings: Chinese, Italian, Japanese, Mexican, American salads, soups, sandwiches, pizza, etc, etc.......and cheesecakes.  You have begun the daunting task of choosing what you want.  And at first you are really excited.  "Wow! They have everything here!", you say enthusiastically to the person next to you, as you search frantically through the menu in disbelief.  You are automatically overwhelmed with the sheer weight of choices in front of you.  "What am I looking for?", you ask yourself.  "What do I really want".  After a few minutes, panic sets in.  What if you make the wrong decision.  And you know what you really want is too expensive.  That cheeseburger sound so good, but it isn't healthy. You begin to seek the advice of your peers.  "What are you getting?", you ask them, as you continue fervently flipping through the pages.  Your eyes are glued to your menu, afraid that you might miss something if you don't skim through all your options.

As you tear your eyes off your menu towards a friend- you are surprised by your friend's seemingly self-assured response: "the caesar salad...what I always get".  It kind of annoys you. How is he that sure of himself? You notice that your friends are taking different approaches to navigating through this labyrinth of a menu.

• Some keep the menu closed: they would prefer to stick with what they know is good than risk experiencing a new dish they don't like as much. 
• Others limit their options by selecting only the "salads" section, and working within the healthy realm which is comforting and smart.  
• Then there are those who figure it out really quickly. She says, "I'm taking the orange chicken", as she snaps her menu closed in front of her to avoid any further choices she could be confronted with while continuing to flip through pages of the menu.  Her decision is made.  
• The friend besides her claims he has decided as well, "yeah, I'm going to get the shrimp scampi".  Yet, as he hears his other friend across the table fretting in panic whether she should get the "thai salad" or the "macaroni and cheese"- he realizes he might want to change his mind.  He is easily persuaded by what his friends are saying and he feels forced to reopen the menu, with doubt that he may be wrong.  
• And then there's you.  Overwhelmed with decisions and the fear of making the wrong one, you stop for a second and think about what you really want.  You want chicken fingers.  You search in the menu for chicken fingers but they are nowhere to be found.  The waitress is at your table taking orders and you don't know what to get.  You settle for the "sesame chicken and rice" that was under your nose as it was your turn to order.  You sigh and mumble to yourself, "oh well".

Does this experience remind you of anything?

It is overwhelming to have so many choices.  We are bombarded by so many perspectives on how we should be living our lives, that we forget the very essence of living.  Just like those who open a large menu forget the very purpose of eating.  Life does not have to be so complicated, but it has become that way.  The cultural expectation of "finding your purpose" and "achieving your potential" has left many 20 and 30 somethings in a state of paralysis, feeling under accomplished, confused, and afraid. There is a term: "first world problems".

We feel afflicted by material possessions, social pressure, and career obligations.  We feel guilty for feeling this way.  We know we are fortunate. We should be happy. We have a whole menu of life in front of us with options we could contemplate for years.  Yet, we are overwhelmed and unsatisfied, at times even wishing to experience the lives of those in a third world country.  So many people from first world countries visit those less fortunate simply to gain perspective in their own life.  To be reminded of what life is all about.

So, in the 21st century of technological and social advancements that have brought us so much more freedom, awareness, and insight- we are burdened with too many choices.  The choices of where to live, who to work for, who to marry, whether to have children, what to invest in, how to dress..... and it is all too much to think about.

We have forgotten how to think simply.

We have forgotten how to live.

Choices do not have to be a bad thing.  They are a great thing. If we learn how to cope with them.


To be continued...

15 random, romanticized, and rather cliche thoughts of the summer

Efficiency and happiness are not codependent of each other.  In fact, inefficiency can be viewed a beautiful art that signifies an absence of "worrying about the small stuff". 

Killing a mosquito is the most satisfying feeling in the world. 

Waking up early for a sunrise is always worth it.

The best food comes at a low price in the smallest places.

It's a small world, after all.  A world full of traveling neighbors.

It's possible to live in the summer without air conditioning. 

Yoga provides balance and harmony in any circumstance, keeping you grounded and centered no matter where you are or who you're with.

Being alone is not lonely if you love yourself. 

Doing one thing that scares you a day is a recipe for overcoming fears and increasing confidence. 

If you're smiling, keep doing what you're doing.  If you're not smiling, stop and listen to what you're heart is telling you---make a drastic change without fear.

Over planning life is like pouring too much salt on a delicious meal--- the taste is lost. 

Spending money excessively provides temporary satisfaction that fades as quick as a firework.

Learning languages = exploring the world courageously.

Patience reflects interior happiness.  You have the ability to wait (for several minutes or hours) because you have the right perspective on what's most important- and life is simply grand in the moment and there's no reason to complain if everyone is healthy and fine.

There is nothing more peaceful than floating on your back in the sea, hearing the silence of the water, feeling the salt keeping you buoyant, and the sun on your face.     

By Heart

The other day I was explaining to a friend the meaning of the English idiom, "I know it by heart".  As I tried to represent it's meaning, I pointed to my head as I said "it's when you know something so well that you have it memorized".  My friend responded, "wait, so you know it in your heart or mind?".  Then I laughed. 

The phrase is used in the context of having something committed to memory- in your brain.  However, the irony is that we're referring to our "heart" which is supposed to correspond with our feelings, emotions, and intuition.

This of course made me think.  We always hear the phrase, "follow your heart".  In this phrase, the significance could mean to put aside practical measures such as finances, convenience and efficiency for the grander cause of listening to your feelings, dreams, and passions.

So then what would we be aiming for if we are: 1) knowing our heart; 2) following our heart; 3)knowing ourselves by heart.

1) Knowing our heart must imply that we have spent much time in reflection, hurt, healing, stillness, and exploration.  Our core.  It is the "gushy stuff" inside that we want to run from but we walk back instead.  We walk back towards our past---what made us feel happy, sad, anxious, alive, depressed.   In the context of building up our physical "core" we are strengthening our abdominals and oblique muscles in order to support our spine and the rest of our body.   When we attempt to strengthen our emotional "core" we are getting to know our heart.  Feeling the pain.  Feeling the joy. Working through it- allowing ourselves to be comfortable in those not so comfortable places.  We are exploring the corners that have been left in the dark and invaded by cobwebs. We leave an enlightened candle in each dark corner, empowered that we have discovered another part of our heart.

2) Following our heart must happen as a result of knowing our heart.  More than just responding spontaneously to a fleeting feeling telling us to go one way or another, following your heart is an inclination that arises as a result of knowing yourself so well that you trust yourself.  You trust your heart.  You trust what your heart is telling you and you shamelessly and fearlessly surrender to those intuitions.  I'm not sure if the "fearless" part is really possible.  Yet, if we are willing to be vulnerable with ourselves we are able to take risks without fear.  We know what our heart is asking us because of all of the exploration and reflection we have done.  We listen to the spiritual and emotional waves flowing over our body and we trust what will lead us to joy and happiness.  We feel the jabs of fear and hurt and we trust our heart is telling us to build a wall of protection.  Our heart becomes our compass- we walk our thoughts and emotions towards what is nourishing and good for us.

3) And then we know ourselves by heart.  This is the tough one.  Can it ever be achieved in full? It is a constant and progressive challenge that must occur circuitously.  Reading the energy in our body.  Reading what we are feeling in a moment and identifying what our heart and mind is telling us.  Our mind has to be brought in this equation.  If we know ourselves by heart, we have in fact established correspondence between emotions and thoughts.  We have recorded these truths in our minds. We know ourselves.  We know what makes us calm, anxious, jealous, sensual, joyful, excited, scared.  Not only are we able to identify these emotional winds blowing throughout our body, but we can remember how to respond to them.  Our brain tells us we know our hearts. And we are empowered by this great accomplishment.  I believe with this reality, we experience harmony.  Harmony with ourselves.  Harmony that not only are we comfortable trusting our heart, but we also have the tools and strategies to navigate through unexpected emotional storms ravishing through our body. We know ourselves by heart.  And we can feel tranquility.

I am so blessed to feel harmony with myself.
To know my vulnerable and fragile heart.
To feel its sustaining and powerful energy.  
Giving it the attention it deserves.
Its past, present, and future. 
I know it.
I will follow it.
By Heart.